Back to Basics

I have so many journals its very hard to keep track of everything. This blog started out as a place for my poem-a-day theme but since I'm barely writing these days and the name is the same as the domain I have sitting dormant I've decided to use the blog in a different way. I just recently placed my first set of accessories on etsy for sale and I've gotten a lot of views but no bites yet. Thats cool. http://bedecadent.etsy.com will be the place where I sell my accessories but savantsoul will most likely be used for the networking site I'm in the process of building. I will also purchase another domain to be used for all of my creative work (fashion/writing/amateur photography). So yeah, I have a ton of work cut out for me and reteaching myself HTML and learning PHP is very high on my to do list.

Fear of Flying

Fear of Flying
of success and opening up
if I fell
would you be there to catch me?
I don't like the idea of falling
of losing my step
tripping over butterflies and warm fuzzies
I want to stand in Love
see eye to eye
be side by side
building
bringing our visions to Life
I'm good alone
maybe cause its all I know
and I've come to like silence
I enjoy the solitary confines of my mind
and One is easy to manage
how can I Love you
how can we be Two
and I still keep myself?
I'm used to being strong
but how do I submit to Love?
I'm about to talk myself out of a good thing
quite possibly the Real thing
but how do I go?
I'm stuck here
stagnated in solitude
I want out
I want in
I want you
how can I let you see me?
the frailties of my ego
my flaws, quirks
exposed, raw and naked
all I need to know
is how to Love and be Loved

Build

piece by piece
we've been putting this together
no recipe to follow
or examples on the box
just doing what feels right
slowly but surely its coming together
laying the foundation
tiny blocks of trust
history, understanding
loyalty
its coming together
alone
we're great
united
we're unstoppable
change is coming....

Spring

New beginnings
spring means new
means fresh
means me + you
water and earth
nurture the roots
and blooms will follow
its nature
done on its own time
how can you time the rate of growth
in a flowers stem?
from seed to fall
mother nature and father time
do their own thing
this is the same for us
we cant rush nature
all you can do is flow
go with it
and come with me

Aura

you have no idea
of all the ways you make me smile
revolutionary
lets get free
free or die
you're so fuckin fly
i can see us moving earths
creating worlds
in you i see infinity
times me so thats more to be
proactive, progressive
your aura is so bright
most couldnt handle the glare
but i cant help staring
your spirit is enticing
a cool drink in a heatwave
your words are truly food for thought
'cept one taste leaves me starving
it'll take a lifetime to get my fill
i got all the time in the world
and that runs out
we'll make another

Vision

I dream in color
visions I can taste and smell
so vivid and full of life
taking away the pains of my day to day
reminding me to stay awake
saying 'dont give in'
'Hold on!'
'Keep dreaming'

So I Do
I do because I know in the end this will be
that in time, everything will come to pass

This is Me
making my reality
finding a piece of the puzzle each day
daily relevations
written by my own hand
taken to heart
because today could be the day they come true

I see.

Day Job

You fuel my dreams
while slowly killing them
at the same time
I want to leave
but you're a stubborn thorn
a vital piece of what I need
and everything that I don't want
Constantly distracting me
from my reality
just day to day
I clock in vain
watching my spirit drift away
The day I leave
I'll cry with joy
Burn my ID
and embrace the uncertainty of my future
I can't wait to be free

Rehab/Strung Out

I had to check myself in
after a year long stint
of flirting with death I had to break peace
I knew that last hit would've bodied me
See
I'm no feen
I just needed a lil excitement, nah mean?
It was a rough time for me
broke up with my soulmate
my sugar dumplin sweetie face
my love betrayed my trust
spent my last dime and piece of mind on her
I caught him dippin out
and with this woman I couldn't compete
she was loose yet had him hooked
always on call
i bet yall seen her in ya hood
in every break in the sidewalk
every
crack
...Yeah
flirted with the idea before taking the leap
cant swim but dived right off the deep
and all that mattered was how I felt
cause I was hurt
and lonely and deceived
so when I took a hit I was finally able to breathe
I felt clean
never knowing I had just switched sin
so in the dark I stayed
10 months straight
friends across the street aint seen me in weeks
family was just faces
all I wanna do is weep
and sleep
and weep
I gave up all I had
put up this front like I was happy when I was really mad
just held it in, that was my fatal sin
never speaking when I knew in my soul I was leaking
But he kept me stuck
I was strung out
thought process was just clouds and shades of doubt
yet all I wanted was my life back
like Mary
no more drama shoulda been my mantra
instead it rained every day
until the last of the drug faded away
'If you loved me you would' came too often
never realizing that if I loved ME
then WE could not BE
instead I loved he and he controlled me
until one day I had nothing left to compromise
no more nights out to trade, no more raining on my parades
no more if-then clauses, angry silences and pregnant pauses
my mind was fighting back
allowing me to feel what it was like to be real again
to be me again
to be sane again
to be free again
so to get right
I left
and I never looked back
but its funny I got all strung out over someone who was strung out
never realizing that OD'ing on love is tantamount

Cerbellum

You are Cerebrally Beautiful
a breath of fresh air just when I'd thought
I'd drown in a sea of mediocrity
deliciously mysterious
cloaked in privacy
and like a stubborn feline, I'm curious as hell
I almost don't want to know you
there are some things better left unsaid
I'm constantly fighting the urge to get inside ya head
I'm taking this painstakingly slow and heres why
TMI could kill my high
There's things that need settling
I need to come to grips with reality and check my baggage
cases of doubt and other shyt I could do without
your thought process is so sick
so congruent with mine it aint even right
its like
how do you know this?
oh I see
You've been reading my shyt!
Peeking over my shoulder while the pen leaked my innermost feelings
I mean
How else could you be so mentally appealing?
So mentally me?
It's not possible
Or is it?
it could be I'm seeing this skeptically
too critically
trying to rationalize what's not meant to be reasoned
I need to breathe
cause holding my breath is gonna kill me
I need to find some peace
But you, don't speak
I can't handle any more epiphanies
stolen from my own memories
words spilled like red ribbons from a fresh wound
I really dunno how much more of this I can take
But give it to me anyway
This aint no run of the mill connection
no flight by night affair
Shyt, I dont even know what to call this here
It is what it is and to be real
I don't even care
A label don't make or break shyt
I'm just dumbfounded
Cause slowly but surely I'm letting you in
allowing the idea of you to undress the crevices of my mind
Doing what comes naturally
But wait
Am I really about to let you fuck me mentally?
I guess we gonna have to wait and see